The Dairy Tragedy

They say that you can put up or shut up, but I’m going to break that mold and write, and as I write, I hope to rant. Today’s rant will be about yogurt. Weather we know it or not, yogurt is taking over our society and culture. It is creeping in like the Black Plague crept into Egypt millions of years ago. You may object and say that the Black Plague never crept into Egypt, and you would be right…It stormed Egypt by force in a manner similar to the way that Attila the Hun ransacked North Africa. And that is what Yogurt is doing to us. As ice cream and other dairy products bravely battle for space on the slippery shelving slopes of grocery and convenience stores across the country, the American public turns a blind eye, and the mainstream media refuses to report on it. But the sales of ice cream are down by over 30% this quarter alone! And millions of Holfstein cattle are being mercilessly slaughtered because producers prefer Limohorns for their superior yogurt-enhancing milk. This is largely what is wrong with our society. In New Hampshire alone, the self-proclaimed world capital of the yogurt/ice cream world, there are over 3 billion Holfstein cattle. According to the National Cattle Wellness Committee, 4/6ths of this population will be decimated simply because breeders are trying to make the switch to Limohorns. What is even worse is that the government is subsidizing this slaughter. In an attempt to “create new jobs” President Obama has authorized a payment of $2,000 per cow. With 2 billion Holfstein’s being killed, that is a $4,000 billion dollar bill that the tax payers are footing.

This is happening in our country! While the media is covering fluff stories like the alleged terrorist scares in the Winter Olympics, we have mass massacres occurring on our own American soil that are being funded by our dollars and organized by our own elected government officials. As if this were not outrage enough, the Holfstein cattle could be just as fruitful yogurt producers as the Limohorns, provided that the farmers would simply give them a change in diet. But the farmers, headed by Jim O’Hariness, the largest landowner in the state, have formed a league called the “Lords of the Fields. This is essentially a farmer’s union that forces all the farmers to slaughter their Holfsteins so that they get the subsidy. Any farmer that resists the union is frozen out by the union, and it is essentially impossible for the resisting farmers to buy grain to feed their cattle, effectively putting them out of business. 

Never Date a Traveler

There is a lot of talk going around with people of our generation. I’m not sure what the technical term is for our generation. I know we aren’t baby boomers. Maybe generation x or y. It doesn’t really matter one way or the other. Because I want to speak more about the TALK that is running rampant among us. This talk is about studying abroad. Our fathers and mothers did not have the chance to study abroad, mainly because of the Vietnam War and issues with Cuba. Most of our parents have not ever been out of the country, and they are fine with that. But they are meat and potatoes people. They are completely content with never setting foot outside of the state. And that is how it should be. If God had wanted us to be travelers, he would not have given us crops. You can’t live without crops, and you can’t travel and have crops. Therefore, you cannot travel and live. In today’s society, we are able to find loopholes in the Natural Order, largely through organizations such as Monsanto’s and Immigrant Labor. But I believe that this is a bad thing. People should not travel. And you should never date someone who travels. On the interweb, there have been some articles arising that say why you should look for a mate who has a bit of wanderlust in them. Today, I sit down at my keyboard to try and debunk those ways of thinking. I do not debunk because I wish to be narrow-minded (Like Ken Ham), I debunk because I would hate to see this generation make the same mistakes that the generation of the 60’s did, and throw away our futures on dreams based on false visions of grandeur that stem from an incomplete understanding of what I like to call, Human Nature.

The first reason to never date a traveler is because they are sluts. The most widely used synonym for “traveler” is “wanderlust.” In today’s society, the world wanderlust simply means someone who is restless and does not stay in one place for very long. But if we trace the word back to its roots, “wander” comes from the Greek word “wondros” which means “anybody” and the word lust, which is the Latin word, “to bang.” So to say that one has wanderlust actually means that they will bang anybody.

The second reason to never date somebody who travels is that they generally have a much lower standard for hygiene than most people. In the Sahara desert, the people are called Bedouins, which is literally translated, “camel brother.” These nomads believe that they are descended from a common father as the camels that they ride, and thus, they treat the humped beasts as family members, and held themselves to the same hygienic standards that the camels used.  In studying genetics, Gregor Medelev discovered that the Bedouins have a certain gene that makes them more prone to move about. Through generations of interracial breeding, anyone these days who does have the nomad mentality is 98% likely to have the same genes as the Bedouins who see themselves as camel siblings.

The third reason to never date a traveler is because you will never have anything nice. Travelers do not want nice things, because nice things hold you in place. You can’t take a porcelain vase on a plane. If you want nice things, don’t date a traveler.

Travelers are afraid of commitment. Commitment issues are the second biggest culprit for defining who is a traveler and who is a normal, God-fearing homebody (the biggest reason is the faulty genetics passed down by the Bedouins.). A fear of having to be there for somebody (or something, for example, crops) compels many people with commitment issues to turn to travel as a way to separate themselves from those who love them, care about them, and want to be with them. As the old Chinese proverb says, “He who loves a traveler is always alone, because the setting sun can only darken one bed.”

Travelers do not like animals. Unless it is a camel, travelers think that animals are a waste of time and affection. You cannot travel with a pet. At least not practically. But travelers do not like animals, so they are content to forfeit the Natural bond that God gave between Mankind and the Animal Kingdom in order to rove the globe. 

There are many more reasons not to date one. They are more likely to abandon their children, divorce rates where one or both partners is a traveler are 70% higher, the underdeveloped sense of patriotism, poor scores on loyalty tests, and even some studies that link autistic childred to traveler parents. But I don't have time to write about the plethora of problems that travelers bring to the table. If you want to know more, please read my blog or attend one of my seminars. 

Also, thank you to Kelsey Delaney Hinken for giving me the borrowship of her computer in order to write this.

Another day another dollar (literally. I found one today!)

Now that I started this blog, I feel obligated to my readers to keep it going. Yes I feel obligated to you both. But nothing really important has happened to me. Those elusive gems of sparkle have been eluding me. However, I did go to Frisches last night. It was pretty bad. Big surprise there. Also, I was thinking about some stuff yesterday. I was in the bathroom, and I started thinking about some of the ideas that my history teacher from last year had about public bathrooms. She didn’t think that they should be segregated. This actually shook me to my heels, because I am a firm believer in separate but equal bathrooms. I mean, I think that they are a very important thing. I think that it would be quite awkward if they weren’t separate. But my history teacher said that when she was a girl, her family let the boys and girls all use the same bathrooms. I’m not sure that there is no difference. For one, its different with your family. At least I think so. And also its not like in a house, you have two toilets within two feet of each other with only a small plywood partition separating them, which doesn’t reach the floor and with a little simple neck craning, is very simple to look over. Of course, when you know there is a guy in the other stall, there isn’t much incentive to be craning your neck. On the other hand, if you hear a female sound from your neighbor, then some people (not me of course) but some people might get the urge to check on her. All in all, I am a very staunch believer in separate bathrooms. But hey, if you feel the need for unisex facilities, then contact your congressman.
Seeing as I am already on my bathroom soapbox, I think that I will speak about another of my pet peeves. And that is large facilities with insufficient bathrooms. This happens an awful lot with large basketball gyms. They have about six courts, but one bathroom. And as any management teacher will tell you, this results in bottlenecks. Because you have teams in the bathroom changing into uniforms, and you have people trying to use the bathrooms. Of course with a million teams and one bathroom, the only result can be chaos. And they usually only have one stall. Which means that if any one person using a stall has a run (pardon the pun) of bad luck, then that toilet is clogged, and now the other toilet becomes overtaxed. And you can imagine what happens to that one. Its not pretty.
Well, I’m not sure what that accomplished. Its just some stuff that I had to get off of my chest. Thanks for listening.

1-20-10

This is my first post.
Dear Diary,
I started a blog today. It makes me feel good to have one. Its like having a slice of me out there for people to sample. Nothing much happened today. Its the first day in the last four that I havn't been sick, so thats a nice change. In english class there is a really annoying girl who talks all the time, and since she talks about stupid stuff nobody likes her. Well, today she came into class late, and so everybody saw her. She is not what I would call morbidly obese, but she definitely is reminiscent of Psalm 23 where it says, "my cup runneth over" and she does have quite a big belly. And she came in today with a shirt whose bottom didn't meet the top of her pants, and pants whose top didn't quite meet the bottom of her shirt, and so Diary, as you can imagine, there was a gap. And in that gap, straining to get free, was about 15 pounds of flesh that she really doesn't need. Everybody in the class was mildly disgusted, but it was all good. Untill somebody whispered, "Double-stuffed Oreo!" Except they whispered too loudly, the whole class heard, and everybody burst out laughing. It was awkward.

Also, today I found out that my accounting teacher, nice old lady though she is, doens't have any hair. She wears a wig. It is nice to know that. If she ever gives me a bad grade, I will use that over her to make me give her a better one. "But Professor Brown, if you don't change this B to an A, the whole class might find out that you don't have any hair." Muhahahahah

Introduction

Here it is. The long awaited Joe blog. Back by popular demand. Actually its not back because it never was. But it is here. And its not popular because I have no followers yet. And nobody demanded it. And nobody has long awaited it. I guess everybody has long awaited it, because it did'n't exist, but they didn't know that they were waiting for a long time.

Anyhow, I've decided to make a blogournal. Thats like a blog journal. In it I will confide little things that happen to me during that day that I think will interest...my mom maybe? Because really, my life isn't that interesting. Wake up, go to school, eat, basketball, home, homework, sleep. And the cycle starts the next day. But sometimes, in the midst of these mundane happenings, there are little events that sparkle like diamonds, well, maybe not quite like diamonds. Maybe more like colored glass, but they still sparkle a little. And I will put these bits of sparkle on here in hope that it sparkles your day as well. Some people write journals, and put in thier private feelings and secrets. Thier hopes, and hearts desires. You will find no such malarkey in this journal. Mainly because it is kind of open and public and I don't want the girl of my dreams reading, "Dear Diary, Today I was able to chat with ___________ for 25 minutes on skype. She is so beautiful, it makes my heart skip a beat when we talk. And the way that her nose wiggles when she laughs makes my day." Because that would be embarrassing. I will just tell you things that happen to me that anyone can know. But hopefully that doesn't turn you off, because even if anyone could know it, you won't know it until you read it!